Was this love…? A note to a dear friend…..

I believe this finds you doing well. Physically. Financially. In every area of life. I trust especially that your heart is doing great.
We have been there and done it me n you – the love thing I mean and as a result we’ve been through much……love & fun times; drama & heartbreak.
Our brief, sweet time together came at a time in my life when I really needed someone to affirm me and you did that for me. I had someone to call mine and that was priceless. You did all those little things that make a lady feel special: long late-night telephone conversations; text messages throughout the day; and all that. Why then did I let you go? I also don’t quite understand why. Why did I suddenly get cold feet? What happened? I pray that as I write this I will be able to hear myself think and hopefully get some answers.

You know they say opposites attract and we “attracted” alright. When we hooked up, one of the qualities that sealed the deal for me was the fact that you are kiasi cultured and I wanted a man like that. You call it being liberal but I’ve come to discover that it is dangerous for me to have a man who is liberal because you see, in some ways I’m an emotionally high-maintenance girl – so I need a guy who’s in tune with that.  
For a long time I had ideas of the qualities I wanted my man to possess but had no idea about those I did not want. Being with you helped me to realise that I may not be able to handle a “liberal” guy and I’m not sure he could handle me. 
But that’s not all….there’s the God element. Before I sign the dotted line I want to make sure it’s his #1 choice for me and I think that may be the major reason I bailed out – I suddenly realised that I was not sure I had heard God’s voice above my feelings from the outset.
I have recently come to understand that in a way, your heart is quite delicate too and that’s why you want a girl who will fall for the whole package and accept you unconditionally. And you want to know that before you give her your heart. 
You want to give me another chance to shine in your spotlight but you are hesitant because you sense that I might come with change-this-change-that conditions. 
What now? I didn’t know it was going to be this hard so I am going to set you free because I don’t want to keep you hanging on a leash indefinitely. I know when I seek God for real for real, He will for sure give me the guidance I need. So as I wait and as I pray……stay well. 

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